[a dramatic reinterpretation of the
product placement grocery-store scene from Manhunter (1986)]
Will Graham is a man. A man with a past. A man on a mission. A fisher, luring in his prey. That prey? Grape Nuts.
Mom’s fiber intake seems kind of low, lately, Kevin–Josh–Willy– whatever your name is in this version. Why, wholesome, hearty Grape Nuts are just the thing for catching serial killers!
I’m not going to kill him. With the Tooth Fairy’s teeth as they are, I think he’d perk up with a little JELLO. Lots of vitamins. Plus, he’s a body-builder, but every diet needs a little wiggle room!
And those feelings were about nutrition! You know, kiddo, Lecter’s diet sure could have used some good-old fashioned Total! It take four bowls of people to get the fiber in just one bowl of Total!
I offered him some fiber cereal, and he said, “You brought me non-fat dry milk? Will, I’m disappointed.”
I would wake up in a sweat, surrounded by my dogs, my scar aching, dreaming about full-fat organic dairy.
I mean, have you tried non-fat cheese? I’d probably murder people, too.
If your taste in aftershave is any indication, Kevin, I’m not sure–
[flashback to WILL’s visit to HANNIBAL LECTER’s prison cell]
Hannibal: That’s the same atrocious coffee I smelled on you in court. Does Molly buy that for you? Does she actually drink it herself? You could have done much better for yourself, Will.
[WILL steers KEVIN towards check out]
Yeah, son. It’ll go great with the Total and Grape Nuts. Part of a balanced breakfast.
[WILL looks wistfully back at the fair-trade single-origin coffee]
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