Will Graham Goes Grocery Shopping

[a dramatic reinterpretation of the product placement grocery-store scene from Manhunter (1986)]

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Image: Will Graham from Manhunter, in the Dipps and Whipps aisle of a grocery store.
Will Graham is a man. A man with a past. A man on a mission. A fisher, luring in his prey. That prey? Grape Nuts.

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Will: “To see about Mom?”
Mom’s fiber intake seems kind of low, lately, Kevin–Josh–Willy– whatever your name is in this version. Why, wholesome, hearty Grape Nuts are just the thing for catching serial killers!

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Kevin: When are you gonna kill him?

I’m not going to kill him. With the Tooth Fairy’s teeth as they are, I think he’d perk up with a little JELLO. Lots of vitamins. Plus, he’s a body-builder, but every diet needs a little wiggle room!

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Kevin: “In the papers it said it was, this man Lecktor [sic]”?
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Will: “I tried to build feelings in my imagination”

And those feelings were about nutrition! You know, kiddo, Lecter’s diet sure could have used some good-old fashioned Total! It take four bowls of people to get the fiber in just one bowl of Total!

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Will: “When I was sitting in Lecktor’s office,”

I offered him some fiber cereal, and he said, “You brought me non-fat dry milk? Will, I’m disappointed.”

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Will: “And that’s when he attacked me.”

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Will: “I still had his thoughts going around in my head,”
I would wake up in a sweat, surrounded by my dogs, my scar aching, dreaming about full-fat organic dairy.


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Kevin: “And the way he thought felt that bad?”


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Will: “Kevin, they’re the ugliest thoughts in the world.”
I mean, have you tried non-fat cheese? I’d probably murder people, too.

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Kevin: “So what kind of coffee do you like?”
If your taste in aftershave is any indication, Kevin, I’m not sure–

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Kevin: “You like that Folgers stuff, right?”
[flashback to WILL’s visit to HANNIBAL LECTER’s prison cell]

Hannibal: That’s the same atrocious coffee I smelled on you in court. Does Molly buy that for you? Does she actually drink it herself? You could have done much better for yourself, Will. 


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Image: Will and Kevin, leaving the store
[WILL steers KEVIN towards check out]

Yeah, son. It’ll go great with the Total and Grape Nuts. Part of a balanced breakfast.

[WILL looks wistfully back at the fair-trade single-origin coffee]

[end scene]


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